at may P.S. pala ako.. ^^

one post here in my blog was commented by one of my inspirations in writing again. Her name is Katrina. ^^ at ung sinabi niya e maxadong maganda at inspiring at totoo na utang ko na di man lang un i-post at ishare.. so eto na po un.. ^^

katrina said... 1. holding back doesn't always mean na hindi na yun 'love.' sometimes, "true" love has to wait, specially for God's chosen ones [that's us]. God's plan and timing are perfect, kaya if He keeps you from a relationship now, doesn't mean na He'll hold it away from you forever. Share ko sa'yo yung part sa isang book na nabasa ko which really struck me:
"The questions of when and with whom we pursue a relationship can be confusing and uncomfortable. Most of us would prefer not to face them. Walking by faith isn't our idea of fun. We want the discomfort and risk removed. Before we make a move, we want God to make the situation crystal clear. Do you see the problem? Our mindset is: "God, tell me WHO, tell me HOW, tell me WHEN - and then I'll trust You." What God wants us to see is that if He did this, our trust wouldn't be real. We want a definitive answer so we won't feel vulnerable, weak and dependent on Him. But guess what? We ARE vulnerable, weak and dependent on Him. And it's only when we realize our true condition that God can demonstrate His strength and love on our behalf."
-Joshua Harris, Boy meets Girl

She did not need to convince me.. She just helped me cleared my mind and be strong in my resolve ^^ tama ba un english ko? weheheheh..

Thanks, Kat. And yes, as for us, let's continue serving the Lord our only God. ^^

'ja matta ne' ^^

and when He answers me..

I got over him..and realized many things..I won't elaborate, I'm sorry cuz some words are better left unspoken..

One thing is for sure, I am contented right now. He gave me the best, and the best, I can say is what I really need. Thanks to Him.

I am now taking a blog leave, indefinite.. ^^ I don't know when I am going to post again.. I don't know if I am going to at all..Thanks for the time..Thanks for listening.. but as of now, I am contented. This purpose is already served. Let's praise the Lord with all our hearts.. ^^

pasensya na

hindi na ako magpapaligoy-ligoy pa. ang dahilan po ng aking pag-AWOL temporarily sa blogging world ay ang RO. Yes, as in Ragnarok Online. Sobra po akong na-adek, pasensya na po. Ngayon naman po ay mag ba-blog leave ulet ako.. This time, di na to RO. Ako po'y babalik sa aking lupang sinilangan.. heheh. Yey!! Kahit two weeks lang to.. susulitin ko to!! ito ang TUNAY na BAKASYON!! hahah.. Sa lahat po ng dumadaan sa blog ko, ay , pasensya na po.. pasensya na po talaga.. Daan po kayo ulet.. ^^

at nang matapos ang C2

"Regret is always in the end.."

And so they say.

I won't dawdle anymore.. just wanna write to my blog before I get a sleep..[late na rito.. may early class pa ko tom]

I had just finished my C2 exams. I had one hour and a half to answer 10 questions with a + b + c + d +....+ 'n' in it. It took me 1 hour and 15 minutes and i-did-not-bother-to-know-anymore seconds to finished answering the test paper. I don't usually skip any questions even if i don't know the answer but on that time, I did. I tried to answer the last 2 questions which were worth of 20 points but I really didn't have a clue on what to write or how to solve it. Reason? I did not finished revising the last 3 chapters of the C2 book. I didn't have any clue at all, honestly. First time, I think, I experienced to do something that I didn't have any idea at all.At all.

My verdict to the test? The test was partly easy. And to the geniuses around me, I think it was just a breeze. I thought I could get an A, even A*, but thanks to the last two questions, I am now worrying of even getting a passing grade. If I will get a C, I'll be up on the clouds. That's how I see my status right now.. heheh. I cannot ask God to give me an A now, can I? He does miracles, all right, but for me, I think we have to deserve them before we can get one. God is good and kind.. He is a loving father so He will not, ever, allow His children to just get what they want without working hard and learning real from it. This is my opinion.

So do I have regrets? Regretting that I did something not really worthwhile instead of revising the last 3 chapters? As of now, I can honestly say 'No.' I don't know if I will feel that way when I receive the results one month from now. Maybe yes. Maybe still no. I prefer the latter. I don't really want to regret anything. Feeling ko kase, tinatanggihan ko ang mga biyaya na ipinagkakaloob Niya sa akin. And I don't like it. I also don't want to blame. As long as I can, I don't want to blame anything or anyone if things just didn't went right, the way I wanted them to be, or the way I planned. Of course, I can get really disappointed, but I cannot change the past..We should just have to learn from it. And try to be truly glad and contented in the present and also try to do some more mistakes.^^ And use the things we learned in the near future to make our future brighter [waahhh... sobrang idealist ako ano..] Well, ganon talaga weh. The key word is learn. And be thankful He has given that oppurtunity to us. That is all there is to it. Right?

I hope after a month, when my C2 fate is revealed, I still have this wonderful feeling..

oh yeah, before i forgot, ill try to change it. HA! if ever that C2 will make me sad, ill make sure my remaining subjects are going to cheer me up. <> ^_^

at nang makapag-isip-isip ang bata.. ^^

"Nakokonsensya ako.."



I've been thinking again after hours of posting my last blog. I am feeling that I am ignoring again to be really thankful of God's blessings He is pouring everyday into my life. How can I say this? It is for the fact na dapat ay ikukuwento ko yung magandang nangyari sa akin last Wednesday ASAP. As in next to that blog STAT. But I didn't. Parang nabigo ko na naman tuloy Siya, un ang feeling ko. So sana, okay pang ihabol to bago ko magblog leave ulet for the end-of-the-school-year exams..



Okay, [breathe and concentrate first, feeling happy now]



Yun nga. I went to an assessment and interview for a college here near our area. Eventhough I was not that confident at all and I knew that my chance for getting a place is like 5%, I still gathered my guts and showed up. Why? It is for the reason I badly need to transfer to that college. My current college is too far [travel time by train is almost one hour plus another half hour by the bus.. lucky me kung wala pang traffic yun! ^^'] and if ever I can get a place to this college I am applying to, well, my travel time will be only 30 mins MAX! Just imagine the extra time I will get if ever. Plus my travel fee will be just half cuz I don't need the expensive train fee anymore. All of those plus the other advantages I won't mention anymore is depending in that late afternoon interview.



Problem: I know my chances were too small. I was not confident.



Reasons for lack of confidence:

1. I felt like[and btw still feel] didn't learn anything at all this year and a high score in the assessment was badly needed. You'll know why soon. So if I can, I have to prove to the assessors, or at least ^_^' pretend that I am a genius..


2. I am currently doing A-Levels. I am currently in my first year and for those who aren't familiar with the UK Ed. System, A-Level is a two-year level. AS and A2. To sum it up, it is really difficult to transfer to another college when you are at this level because of the many complicated reasons. I'll give you the major 2: different examination boards[highly likely your current one won't match to another college] and of course, the 'loyalty' aspect. The college's priority is their own students. Me?probably will be on the waiting list? waahh..
3. Just like last year, I don't have any reference at all. Why? I need my current teacher to be my reference and I cannot and am not stupid enough to ask my teacher to do a reference for me because I am planning to transfer to another college. No, no, no. Trying to picture it in my mind.. nOOO!!
4. Continuation of no.3.. If it was difficult last year to apply to AS year without any reference at all [I understand, they were just skeptical and wanted the best for their college], then this time, it will be waaaaayyyyy difficult than the last year. Maaannn...
5. etc. etc..

Why did I still show up?

Reason for my courage and guts:

HIM

I trust His plans always. I don't want to question His plans for me and I won't ever, ever [ill give not my best but my all] do ask Him why things are happening that way. Maybe there were a couple of times I tried to answer the reasons for the situation I was in, but still I didn't hate them. Those were the times that I realized I was the one who was not doing her best and therefore, the one that was lacking... reminding me the next time to do my very best. See. We lose but still, He's always giving prizes. For me, they were the lessons He carefully designed to treat my battle wounds.

So back to the 'courage and guts' issue. Of course, if I believe in Him, I need to do my part, too. Believing, I believe, is not enough. We need to take our actions, too. He'll pull His miracles, yes. But we need to fight for them, too. To prove ourselves to Him we are somehow worthy of the miracles, little or great.

That's why, however small my chance is, I did show up. With a smile. I was nervous and kinda losing confidence but I did my best, I believe. I just spoke to Him in my mind, if He's going to give this to me, I will be very thankful. If not, still thankful and understand that maybe, He still wants me to learn some things in my current school. Experiences and all.

4:00 pm Left the house a bit early.

4:31 pm arrived at the interview a bit early, waited for my turn [I was last..heheh]

4:45 pm did the assesment,

5:20 pm answered the interviewer's questions [feeling ko bibitayin na nila ako sa dami ng tanong],

5:40 waited again for the results.

5:48 ..

Finally, He answered. I got the place. Thank God! [so elated, happily singing while walking, crossing the road, not feeling any worry at all though running late at my Maths evening class.

Before going to sleep and after expressing eternal gratitude for His mercy, last thought: definitely have to share this to my blog first thing tomorrow..

Today

surf the net.read a quote. thought it would take long to elaborate the good news posted in the previous blog.attacked by laziness.posted questions instead.log out.shutted down pc.late at night turned it on again.

'Nakokonsensya ako..'