at nang makapag-isip-isip ang bata.. ^^
"Nakokonsensya ako.."
I've been thinking again after hours of posting my last blog. I am feeling that I am ignoring again to be really thankful of God's blessings He is pouring everyday into my life. How can I say this? It is for the fact na dapat ay ikukuwento ko yung magandang nangyari sa akin last Wednesday ASAP. As in next to that blog STAT. But I didn't. Parang nabigo ko na naman tuloy Siya, un ang feeling ko. So sana, okay pang ihabol to bago ko magblog leave ulet for the end-of-the-school-year exams..
Okay, [breathe and concentrate first, feeling happy now]
Yun nga. I went to an assessment and interview for a college here near our area. Eventhough I was not that confident at all and I knew that my chance for getting a place is like 5%, I still gathered my guts and showed up. Why? It is for the reason I badly need to transfer to that college. My current college is too far [travel time by train is almost one hour plus another half hour by the bus.. lucky me kung wala pang traffic yun! ^^'] and if ever I can get a place to this college I am applying to, well, my travel time will be only 30 mins MAX! Just imagine the extra time I will get if ever. Plus my travel fee will be just half cuz I don't need the expensive train fee anymore. All of those plus the other advantages I won't mention anymore is depending in that late afternoon interview.
Problem: I know my chances were too small. I was not confident.
Reasons for lack of confidence:
- I felt like[and btw still feel] didn't learn anything at all this year and a high score in the assessment was badly needed. You'll know why soon. So if I can, I have to prove to the assessors, or at least ^_^' pretend that I am a genius..
- I am currently doing A-Levels. I am currently in my first year and for those who aren't familiar with the UK Ed. System, A-Level is a two-year level. AS and A2. To sum it up, it is really difficult to transfer to another college when you are at this level because of the many complicated reasons. I'll give you the major 2: different examination boards[highly likely your current one won't match to another college] and of course, the 'loyalty' aspect. The college's priority is their own students. Me?probably will be on the waiting list? waahh..
- Just like last year, I don't have any reference at all. Why? I need my current teacher to be my reference and I cannot and am not stupid enough to ask my teacher to do a reference for me because I am planning to transfer to another college. No, no, no. Trying to picture it in my mind.. nOOO!!
- Continuation of no.3.. If it was difficult last year to apply to AS year without any reference at all [I understand, they were just skeptical and wanted the best for their college], then this time, it will be waaaaayyyyy difficult than the last year. Maaannn...
- etc. etc..
Why did I still show up?
Reason for my courage and guts:
HIM
I trust His plans always. I don't want to question His plans for me and I won't ever, ever [ill give not my best but my all] do ask Him why things are happening that way. Maybe there were a couple of times I tried to answer the reasons for the situation I was in, but still I didn't hate them. Those were the times that I realized I was the one who was not doing her best and therefore, the one that was lacking... reminding me the next time to do my very best. See. We lose but still, He's always giving prizes. For me, they were the lessons He carefully designed to treat my battle wounds.
So back to the 'courage and guts' issue. Of course, if I believe in Him, I need to do my part, too. Believing, I believe, is not enough. We need to take our actions, too. He'll pull His miracles, yes. But we need to fight for them, too. To prove ourselves to Him we are somehow worthy of the miracles, little or great.
That's why, however small my chance is, I did show up. With a smile. I was nervous and kinda losing confidence but I did my best, I believe. I just spoke to Him in my mind, if He's going to give this to me, I will be very thankful. If not, still thankful and understand that maybe, He still wants me to learn some things in my current school. Experiences and all.
4:00 pm Left the house a bit early.
4:31 pm arrived at the interview a bit early, waited for my turn [I was last..heheh]
4:45 pm did the assesment,
5:20 pm answered the interviewer's questions [feeling ko bibitayin na nila ako sa dami ng tanong],
5:40 waited again for the results.
5:48 ..
Finally, He answered. I got the place. Thank God! [so elated, happily singing while walking, crossing the road, not feeling any worry at all though running late at my Maths evening class.
Before going to sleep and after expressing eternal gratitude for His mercy, last thought: definitely have to share this to my blog first thing tomorrow..
Today
surf the net.read a quote. thought it would take long to elaborate the good news posted in the previous blog.attacked by laziness.posted questions instead.log out.shutted down pc.late at night turned it on again.
'Nakokonsensya ako..'
