'Balanga'

'Ano yun, Balanga?'

Missing you that time..

I called our friend and chatted for a while. Then she told me she's going to our 'tambayan'. I wished I could go with her but that is so 'miles away'. We are miles away from each other.. and i couldn't, cannot do anything about that. The phone was passed into our tropa's hands.. except yours. I told them i don't want to talk to you, to avoid issues reliving themselves.. we're already past beyond that.. i don't want to disturb that so-called 'peace' we already established.

I left you several times, yes. But u also did without knowing.. More times than I did. So maybe, what we have now is the better, the best. giving me this thought a tap. 'what we realy need is the best but the best is not always what we really want'. Human nature. Sometimes, i just want to do whatever makes me happy.. thank God He's doing His best to wake me up in every moment I am being selfish. I know u understand me, that's why eventhough u said u didn't want to, u still let me go. I thought I let you go first, but when the moment u did let go, I was hurt that I wanted to cry. I did manage not to shed those tears, I laughed, but still I was hurting inside.

Getting over you? Yeah, congratulate me for that, 'hoy' After these years, I did. Thanks to the distance we have now.

'O gusto ka raw kausapin. Ibibigay ko ha?' said our tropa's Ate.

'Oy wag, may masabi na naman sila jan. Wag ganon. Saka na lang siguro.' I replied.

But she didn't hear me cuz she was already talking to you and the next thing I knew, I was already curious of what I've heard from her.

'Bakit ayaw mo kausapin? Kunwari pa to!' that's what she said referring to you.

'Huh? Ayaw mo rin ako kausapin? Why?' Those are the questions I asked in my mind. Our friends were excited talking to me, telling me the latest happenings..news.. lovelifes.. even rumours.. but I couldn't understand all of them anymore. My mind was already occupied. Of you.

Phone card was expired. Sudden urge to call again and ask. But hell, no.

That was 2 days ago.

'Ano yun, Balanga??'

Called again today. For the first time in almost 2 years without communication, I heard your voice. Not talking to me, but just in the background. Felt my heart skipped a beat. Heard its beat growing loud. Ptsk. I am back to square one. Wondering if I ever was really over you. Found myself smiling.. playing that 3-word sentence from you inside my mind, over and over again, without me wanting to. Guess I am really pathetic huh?

Missing you this time.

i am wondering now if i really stop missing you.. maybe yes, maybe no.

Getting over you? Guess the answer will have to wait til I see you again, huh?

'Ja matta ne.'